No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
And then he peed in my hair
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
