I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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