what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
