textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
