He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
