just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
