He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
