im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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