Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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