Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
