that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
