xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
