He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
