So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
