Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
