Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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