You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
