she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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