I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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