Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
