I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
