I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
