I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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