the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
