I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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