I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
