We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
