Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
