the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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