There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
