i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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