escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
