When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
