I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
