Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Everything about him screamed your future.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
