Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she looked like the before picture.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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