I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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