The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
