I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
