No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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