Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
