ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
