Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
