I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
