I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
