I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
