The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
