she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
