My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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