hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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