the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
