My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
