dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
